Its okay to be lost

Recently, i've been feeling so lost. I have to be honest, when i didn't make the cut, it made me sad, very very sad. It particularly affected my sleeping pattern. I could not fall asleep at night cause i kept on over thinking. Thinking whether or not i was on the right track, whether or not i'm wasting my time. Whether or not my parents are lying about not being disappointed that i didnt make the cut. And when i do fall asleep, i have trouble getting up. Somehow, I felt disappointed that for some reason i still woke up. Basically, i was depressed. --i took a self diagnose test and i got a very high score.

After buckets of tears and loads and i mean loads of avocado milk shake, i feel okay. I still feel lost, but somewhat, i feel okay, i have come to terms with what had happened and where i am right now. This failure does not make me less of a person, it does not define me. And i bet in 10 years, this wont even matter. And i realised that its okay to be lost as long as you don't stop trying. As long as my heart pumps adequate blood for me to live, i will keep trying.

I guess what i am trying to say, when you think you've hit rock bottom, just keep trying! Because you know what, theres no way but up from there. Just push on. And its okay to be lost, to not know everything. Just. Dont. Give. Up.


With love,
dani (: x