Its okay to be lost

Recently, i've been feeling so lost. I have to be honest, when i didn't make the cut, it made me sad, very very sad. It particularly affected my sleeping pattern. I could not fall asleep at night cause i kept on over thinking. Thinking whether or not i was on the right track, whether or not i'm wasting my time. Whether or not my parents are lying about not being disappointed that i didnt make the cut. And when i do fall asleep, i have trouble getting up. Somehow, I felt disappointed that for some reason i still woke up. Basically, i was depressed. --i took a self diagnose test and i got a very high score.

After buckets of tears and loads and i mean loads of avocado milk shake, i feel okay. I still feel lost, but somewhat, i feel okay, i have come to terms with what had happened and where i am right now. This failure does not make me less of a person, it does not define me. And i bet in 10 years, this wont even matter. And i realised that its okay to be lost as long as you don't stop trying. As long as my heart pumps adequate blood for me to live, i will keep trying.

I guess what i am trying to say, when you think you've hit rock bottom, just keep trying! Because you know what, theres no way but up from there. Just push on. And its okay to be lost, to not know everything. Just. Dont. Give. Up.


With love,
dani (: x

Music Mayhem 3

Hi guys! as promised, I am finally finally updating this series! (: Here are the songs that I have recently discovered and/or have been listening to non stop recently! Hope you loved them as much as I did!

Let Her Go by Passenger

The Fall by Rhye

Friend Zone by Hoodie Allen

Where have you been by Manchester Orchestra

Open (Bondax Remix) by Rhye

Recently, I have been more into chill vibed music. If you have any suggestions, any random remarks, please feel free to leave it in the comment box below it is more the welcome.

Love,

dani (: x

Excuses. Updates. Failure. New plan!

Hi there!

First of all, if I do have any constant readers, i'm sorry if i haven't updated for more than a month. Its because of University (surprise, surprise!). After our pinning ceremony we literally had boat loads of things to study for. exams, return demonstrations, practicals and reports. We were constantly, constantly racing against time! it was as if our lives were in fast forward and we were stuck in slow motion! enough of that. basically, I had very little time off and most of which were spent in bed, sleeping or being a nervous wreck.

Here's the low down on what has happened to my life to this day:
1. I finished my pinning ceremony (which wasnt perfect but it was nice to be part of the event, i guess.)

2. My dad came home from his work overseas! (he travels around the world for his work and comes home for a few months then goes back travelling again.)

3. I got a few things! Darcy, the ipad mini, which I love so dearly! and a new Casio watch and a few souvenir items from the countries my dad visited. 

4. It's finally summer vacation! (:

Failure. I just found out that I didn't make the cut to being a regular student next sem (still isnt yet confirmed but basing from my standing, it wont be a shocker.). meaning I wont get the complete set of units next sem which is a bummer and quite disappointing really, after all the things i've done to get good grades. but i guess it wasnt enough, I blame my procrastination! but yeah. i think this is a blessing in disguise because remembering last sem, it was like poison to me. The demanding schedule. constantly racing against time and constantly conceding defeat to it took a toll on me. the stress it just wasnt good for me anymore. and Besides, most of the fourth years said that fourth year is even more demanding. and i think I'd rather take this year slowly but surely. I dont want to be regular the first sem and be stretched to thin again and end up failing a subject that is a prerequisite of a subject for the 2nd semester that would just extend my stay for a year! so yeah. I'd rather extend a few months than a year.

Do more of what makes you happy. thats my new plan! and I've finally decided to do something that I've been wanting to do for months now! since, I wont be having summer class and I'm quite sure i'll have loads of free time next sem, i think i'll be able to maintain it. I'm not going to reveal what it is yet cause i'm still making the preparations, but when its ready i'm gonna share it with you, i promise!

Expect more regular updates from me these coming months! thank you!

with love, 
dani (: x

Music Mayhem Spotlight: Bastille

Bastille. A new up and coming band had just released their debut album "Bad Blood" today. Me, having loved a number of their songs--flaws, what would you do and pompeii, I simply had to get hold of a copy so I quickly downloaded the whole album.

Here is the Track List of the Album:
Pompeii
Things We Lost In The Fire
Bad Blood
Overjoyed
These Streets
Weight Of LivingPt. II
Icarus
Oblivion
Flaws
Daniel In The Den
Laura Palmer
Get Home

I Loved this album. there was not one song that I skipped and thats a very rare thing for me to do. each song was amazing in its own right. If you're not convinced on the epicness of this album, then I shall give you 3 points why you should buy this record.
1. Bastille is a Unique band. they're different-- Seriously, I can't think of any band to actually compare them to. they are bastille. they are different. period.
2. The songs in the album are all amazing. I especially loved Flaws, Things we lost to the flames and pompeii!
and last but not the least, 3. It's a relevant album. the songs. the band. everything about it. it's not about swagger, not about YOLO (not not that I have anything against it but...you know.)it's about real things. Real emotions. and I like that.

thanks for reading my blog! and sorry if I havent been updating lately I am just so busy with university! it's crazy! like seriously. we literally dont have time to even have proper sleep. anyway, enjoy! (:

(: x
dani

Music Mayhem 2

Hi guys! as of February 10, 2013. These are the songs that I've recently come across! (: I know I havent updated this series for a long time. I was a little busy with school to actually delve into the narnia part of youtube! I hope you guys like these songs! If you have any songs to suggest-- old or new, please feel free to leave it at the comment box below! (:

Your Song by Left Boy

Flaws by Bastille

Pompeii (acoustic) By Bastille

Shine By Benjamin Francis Leftwich

No Interruption By Hoody Allen

 yeap. these are the 5 songs I've recently discovered. I hope you guys loved them as much as I did.  If you've any suggestions, please feel free to leave them at the comment box below. or if you've anything to say, any feed back is welcome!

(: x

dani

Static

It's been 5 weeks since school resumed from Christmas break and of those 39 days, 29 of those days were packed with exams. Basically, we only had Sundays off--technically. and not even those Sundays were used up for pure relaxation cause it was used to study for the exams, so yeah. basically, My days along with other PT students (3rd-5th years) were used for reading, desperately trying to absorb as much knowledge as our brains would allow. and that scenario-- 39 days filled with exams, could greatly affect you. Your personality, your confidence, your sanity! and I for one was greatly affected. I genuinely think I lost a part of myself because of it. but tonight, tonight is different. Its a free night. No exam to worry about (atleast not until monday) . Just me, my laptop, wifi and my bed. I've missed these nights; nights where I need not worry about anything other than whether or not my wifi connection is fast enough. I know this seems trivial. to you it maybe. but to me and other PT (3rd-5th yr) students, these kinds of night are huge blessings. are the nights that somehow keep us sane (well, atleast for me). These nights let us slow down a little bit. take a breath. and just enjoy the static. 

These nights are always welcomed (with arms wide open and confetti) into my schedule. They keep us --me sane. and some what, thankful. and tonight, I feel really thankful and (proud to say this) have gained back a sizeable amount of the sanity I've lost! haha

(: x

dani

P.S. Dont get me wrong, I'm not complaining, this course is something I want but sometimes, it just gets so hard and challenging that it really takes a toll on you.

I am a Physical Therapist.

Hi there. so, I havent been posting lately. Cause I've been really really busy with school. It was midterms-- it still is actually, but today I choose to give myself a break. So, Last week was another week packed with exams and alas, I was feeling defeated, tired and depressed. and well, let's just say, I've had better days than the ones that I'm living right now. but, I'm not complaining. I realized that all these-the hardship, torture that we have to go through will eventually pay off. and technically, this is what I came to uni for. Education. Knowledge. and I got it but in a much bigger dosage than I expected. but you cant get everything you want right? right.

Midterms literally sucked the life out of me. I've been really really depressed and quite frankly, for a moment, I already gave up. But something changed today. Something lit the dying fire inside of me. it's this thin piece of silver. It's my name plate. I've invested so much blood, sweat, tears and even a sizeable percentage of my sanity to get this. and I've realized that if I gave up now, all the things I've invested in this course would all go to waste. to oblivion. wasted. and ultimately, my dream would not actualize.

I've spent so many nights working my ass off to get this. and when I finally saw it, my heart welled up. it was so heart warming for 3 years, I've been looking forward to actually having my own name plate, and today, I finally have one. (not sure if I cant wear it before the actually pinning and candle lighting ceremony but you get the picture). 

This week might not have been the best week of my life but it sure ended with an amazing and inspiring ending! (: 

(: x

dani

PT Life milestone Part 1. (:

Hi there!
So.. This evening, we had voice practice (I guess) for our pinning and candle lighting ceremony as Physical Therapy Students. Basically its a right of passage to becoming a Physical Therapy Student. but as we were practicing, I was filled with emotions. Mixed Emotions. I was a mix of happiness, doubtful and a little sadness. So i was pretty distracted-- as usual.

I was happy cause I was one of those that made the cut--barely though, but I did. I made the cut. I guess, it kinda is a big deal(?) I suppose, making the cut on the count that almost more than half of our batch didnt make it. but for some reason I felt that I could have done better, I could do better with my performance but! I get distracted way too easily and I seem to never run out of things to be obsessed with! BigBang, One Direction, JacksGap, The Script, John Green books, etc. So yeah. rambling again. sorry. haha. 

I was doubtful cause I'm still quite torn about this course. cause honestly, Its sucking the life out of me. Living 4 straight weeks filled with exams can take a toll on your morale. But still, I'm not giving  up. I cant just let my dreams of becoming a PT to the hot football players of europe (haha! cheeky!) go because the road is getting a little rockier and dimmer. but seriously, I've always wanted to help people survive and get back up from the tragedies in their lives and PT is the perfect profession for that. You help them get back on their feet (can be literal of figuratively) help them get back what they lost in a tragic event in their life. And make a difference in their lives. Making a difference in other people's lives is what makes a life count. well, atleast in my opinion.

I was sad too cause we were only 19 during the practice out of the 41 of us that entered junior year this first semester. somehow, somewhat, Something was missing. People that I've shared the same troubles, heartaches and headaches werent there. I thought they deserved to take part in this ceremony with us. but oh well, rules are rules. 

So yeah. It's already midnight here and i've got yet another exam tomorrow (surprise ,surprise!) and I'm quite sleepy already so.. I guess this is where I bid yo Good bye. (:

(: x

dani

PS. I'm sharing this quote below from Bastille's song (i think its just a cover, i could be wrong). that was just so relevant to me.

Get on your feet and stop making tired excuses.

Listen to the song! its awesome and real.(:

Music Mayhem

Music. I believe is a beautiful and awesome form of art and communication. Music most of the time, is able to articulate how i feel more clearly than myself. Music is basically like narnia! So, I thought, I'd share with you guys 5 songs that I've recently discovered--old or new. and I'm thinking of making this into a series. but instead of posting every week I'll update this series every time I've accumulated 5 awesome songs! (: Please feel free to comment or suggest any song (doesnt matter if its old or new) in the comment box if you guys have any songs that you love and might want to share with me. It would be so appreciated. (:

Taking it Easy by Goodluck

Perth by Bon Iver (JacM Chillstep Remix)

I Want To by Left Boy

Concrete Wall by Zee Avi

Treatment by Labrinth

Hope you guys love the songs as much as I did. 

(: x

dani

PS I'm not so sure on what to call this series yet, so I'm temporarily calling this "Music Mayhem" but if you guys have any suggestions, please feel free to suggest a title for this series in the comment box below!

Les Miserables

The Miserable. So, I watched Les Miserables with my good friends in uni after having survived an agonizingly long and heart breaking week. and indeed, by the end of the week, I felt miserable. anway..

So..My friends and i watched Les Miserables (finally! been looking forward to watching this movie for almost a week now) This moving truly is an epic movie. A timeless piece. A captivating movie that needs to be watched by every soul on earth. I am aware that the movie I had just watched is a remake. but I think every generation should be able to watch this movie.  this movie, although tragic in most of its parts gives one hope because in a way, each of the characters triumphed over whatever they were facing.  triumphed over the demons that haunted them. 

This movie broke my heart in a million pieces. each of the characters' stories were beautiful in their own right. but of all, I would have to say, eponine and fantine's stories just killed me. Broke my heart to a million mismatched pieces. These parts especially got tears rolling down my face.

Eponine's story just broke my heart. maybe because I could relate to her in a way. 

I was basically crying like a baby when it came to this part of the movie. The emotions. the disillusionment. the hopelessness. the helplessness. twas too much for me. 

This movie made me cry. but you know, this movie taught me something too. That everyone. everyone. has struggles. has demons to fight. has to sacrifice something. no exceptions. Everyone has a reason why they are the way they are. Everyone wakes up each day and fights a battle that only they know about. I realized that no matter how hopeless life gets, it too, shall pass--that seemingly losing battle we are fighting. and Although the world may become a horrible place filled with equally horrible people, one just needs to push on. and trust that everything will be okay in the future. 

Life wouldn't be life if we didn't experience hell once in a while. we wouldn't appreciate the good times. that peace wouldn't have as much value as it would it we never know how it feels to be at war.

Basically, I think you should watch Les Miserables! and Read the novel by Victor Hugo tooo! i'm planning to grab a copy as soon as finals is over or maybe midterms. we'll see.

(: x

dani

Love is Universal

Love. Everyone is in search of it. right? right. and Everyone deserves to love and be loved in return. right? right. The thing is, what is love? really. by love i mean the romantic kind-is it only between a male and a female. and just that? How about the homosexuals? The lesbians? is it not love? what they feel for their lovers? is it love? yes. yes. it is love. for me. it is. why? read on. please.

Love according to a dear friend of ours, merriam webster,it is an attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers. and I believe that it is universal. It could happen to anyone. between a woman and man, man and man, woman and woman. It could even happen between you and me! who knows? I believe that unorthodox lovers deserve to be married as much as the straight lovers do. They love each other. Why hinder them from sharing a life together? anyway, with or without marriage there is nothing anyone can do to stop them from loving each other. All I'm saying is, no one gains anything by stopping gay lovers from getting married legally-- and please dont say that it' degrades the value of marriage and values of the younger generation. it complete and utter -excuse the term- bull shit! Come on. Be realistic. Don't go on pointing  gay lovers and other things that your brain cant fathom to understand for all the wrong things that goes on in this world. As long as their love is real, sincere and thrives, then why not? why the -excuse the term- hell not?

Everyone that loves each other and wants to spend the rest of their lives together deserve to make it a commitment. a life time commitment with each other. Sure, its just a piece of paper but come on. we all know that it makes a difference. If you were in their place getting married would be something, right? An experience that the gay people deserve. I mean, their love is still love. and isn't that enough? is gender really that big of a deal? What I'm trying to say is, Just because the gender pairing isn't the usual/expected that doesn't mean the love between them is any less of value. It's still the same love.


(: x
dani

Must.Push.On

Sorry if my posts so far has been rants and depressing stuff. I'm just so busy with school. Like literally, i'm drowning in school work. like. every.single.freaking.day. we have an exam. even on Saturdays  :/ and honestly, I'm sick of this. sick and tired of this kind life really. I've never really admitted this to anyone, but I feel defeated. hopeless. and lost. you know when you love something, and no matter how hard or how challenging it gets, you still push on. no matter what? Well, that's how I felt about my course. emphasis on past tense there. cause right now, (I've never really admitted this to anyone or even to myself really) I feel so lost. I don't even know if I still want this anymore. I don't know. I don't really know.

all I know is I'm tired. I feel defeated and I want to have fuuun! I'm young! I should be having adventures and doing stupid things not study everyday of the freaking week. even on weekend. ugh.

As much as I want to give up right now, I cant. and I wont. I've invested too much in this course. blood, sweat and tears. and I am going to push on. I think I may need to look back and remember the reason why I chose PT (Physical/Physio Therapy) for my course. and fall in love with it again. yeah. that's what I need. 

On a lighter note, I'm looking forward to our Community Based Rehabilitation Program that starts this february. It'll be in dauin (a city near the beaaaach! eeeeep!) I think that's the kind of experience I need to help me fall back in love with my course. yeah. thats it. (:

I will push on.

(: x

dani

Ramble ramble ramble.

People have this standard for the opposite sex--qualifications if I may be so bold.  for me it would be :(1)someone who smells nice--not in a perfume-y way but in a soap-y way. someone who smell like green. (I dont exactly know what smell it is. but when i do smell it, i know its green),(2) someone tall-- living in a country where men arent so generously blessed with height, and me being freakishly tall, it quite a challenge. (3) someone I can actually be myself around-- awkward and vagabond. and (4) someone with eyes that feel like home. You know, its like wherever in the world you maybe as long as you know when  you look around, you look into those eyes and feel like you're where you're supposed to be. You're home and there's no other place you'd rather be. 

okay so. I'm ramblling. I guess its cause, now adays, i feel alone most of the time. not physically. but there are just times when I look around and look at the faces surrounding me, they all look the same to me. and for some reason, I feel distant like I barely know them. i'm not really making sense right now.  I guess what I'm saying is I seriously need someone. someone who i connect with. not in a slutty, lusty type of connection. but an intellectual and emotional connection. In my 19 year of existence, there's only one person who i made this connection with and twas almost 4 years ago. and the sad thing is, that persons gone--not physically, but he changed. moved on. grew up,i guess. All i'm saying it, it sucks. it sucks. it. just. sucks. i know, i'm young and theres still boats loads of people I meet and I'm bound to find that connection with someone along the way-- how far along the way? i dont know. I guess I just have to wait. and yes, i just had to write this out cause i seriously need to vent it out somewhere cause i was seriously starting to feel like crap. and yeah. this is how i feel at the moment and thats what matters to me.

(: x

dani

Talking biiiiiig. Talking biiiiiiig.

Marriage. Now that’s something I shouldn’t be thinking about seriously well, at my age atleast. But you see, I’ve just watched 27 dresses for I believe, the 3^rd time in my lifetime and for the first time, It stirred me mentally and emotionally that now, I am writing this blog. And maybe  it’s the Pre menstrual hormones making me into an emotional wreck lately.

Heres what I learned(?) I suppose?

I would like to believe in marriage.

            With all these marriages falling apart and it being so.. disposable to people just makes it hard for younger people to believe in it. To believe the whole point of it. Why would they swear till death do they part in front of all their loved ones, of God and give up the moment something’s turn out not the way they expected them to? Why could some people who once loved and adored each other so much just give up? Why can’t they keep trying and look at the old times, the little moments, the big moments! And find a reason to stay, I’m sure there’s bound to be one or two. Why can they make such a sacred commitment seem so.. disposable?  And trivial?

            I know I’m still young and that I have so much to learn and experience. But I would like to believe, that someday, when I meet the right person and get married, in front of all our loved ones and our God(s) that it’ll be eternal. And that no matter how hard things get, we’ll keep trying and not give up. And that no matter how mad we may get at each other, we would still look back at the little moments, the reasons and things that got us into marriage and choose to stay. And that we’ll never run out of reasons to love each other and our marriage.

            This may be a little idealistic and naïve but I just want to believe in marriage and love and happily ever afters. And eternal love. I want to believe that.

(: x

dani

Love me, Please.

As Promised, I made a mix tape. but not the songs i listen to while I study but the music I listen to a lot recently. as you may notice its like 90% Ed Sheeran songs cause I just love his songs to the moon and back. and I'm kinda inlove with his music right now- well, i've loved him for a year or two now. but I wish i could've known him earlier. cause he's just awesome. Hope you guys enjoy! (:

and yes, If you guys are wondering, I feel a little hopeless romantic right now. I dont know. I think I've been single for too long. haha. kidding.

(: x
Dani

Oh, the pains of being a PT student.

Look at this book. like seriously. look at it. It's like 400 pages. thats our coverage for our Unit exam tomorrow. Unit. freaking. Exam. It's not even a midterm exam just a unit exam for crying out loud. this is crazyyyy. Our teacher finished discussing the whole book in one meeting. ONE. MEETING. During the lecture I was basically curling up in a ball in the back of my mind cause I could not, for the life in me, retain everything he said during the lecture and I wasnt fast enough to take down notes either. :(

The upside is... today, was one of our kind-er days. We didnt have a written exam today. atleast, thats one out of our six class days. (and yeah, we have saturday classes! which starts a 7 am. bummer.) but we did have a return demonstration which went surprisingly well. which made me feel quite fulfilled in a way.

Anyway....So I'm planning to upload maybe a mix of the songs I like to listen to when I study so yeah. Please do visit. and if ever there is anyone reading my post, comments are welcome. like srsly. COMMMMMMEEEEENT! haha. 

(: x

dani

President Of The Procrastination Nation

Me.

 Yeap. I have proclaimed myself as the President of procrastination. you see, I have a quiz then  return demonstration tomorrow afternoon at 3 aaaaand lo and behold, I have not studied one bit. haha. meh. 

So yeaaaah. after this entry i most certainly am studying. maybe. maybe not. haha. (:

(: x

Dani

Noob

I've just decided to create blog. which is crazy right now since I'm always drowning in school work and random but I thought it might be something fun during my free time or on time when I feel a little lonely and/or chatty. so yeah. Don't really expect anyone to read this or to care. so yeah. and please excuse me and my noobish ways. Promise. I will improve on my blogging next time around.

(: x
Dani